Whoever suggested that our friends are the family we choose was onto something.

Because seriously, gals, if there’s one thing this (elder) Gen Z knows to be true, it’s that friendships can serve as an anchor through any storm.

By now, you’ve probably heard that proverb about how some friends come into your life for a reason, others for a season, and a few for a lifetime. Which is, of course, to say that there are many types of friendship - and they all bring something meaningful into your life.

But, when the world feels overwhelming - which, tbh, is pretty often - there’s something uniquely grounding, healing, and comforting about those longer-term friendships (you know, with the girls who have been by your side for so long that you could basically fill a dictionary with all your inside jokes). Or so I’ve found, anyway.

And I do speak from experience here - almost all of my closest friends have been in my life since primary school. Over the years, as the sleepovers of our childhoods turned into weekend trips to the mall through our teens, and eventually into FaceTimes from our university halls when we ventured into adulthood, I’ve been able to count on these wāhine to make life a little brighter, and to remind me of who I am, even when I’ve forgotten.

So, Billie crew, consider this your unofficial guide for how you can build lasting friendships that will guide you through whatever phase of life you’re in right now - and all those that lie ahead.

Let’s begin with a (non-exhaustive) list of tips to nurture and sustain your friendships so they can go the distance.

Listen, remember, and reflect back.

All relationships are built on communication. I mean, getting to know someone requires at least a little bit of talking (and listening). But, you know what takes a friendship to the next level? When you both make an effort to really listen to each other - with intention and without judgement - and then use what you learn to guide how you show up for each other.

Has your friend mentioned that they’re nervous about a test on Tuesday? Excited about a big sports game on Saturday? Pop a note in your calendar to flick them a quick ‘good luck!’ text that morning. It’s these micro moments of thoughtfulness - the small ways you show someone that you’re thinking of them, and that they’re part of your world - that compound over time and create the trust, belonging, and emotional safety that underpins all lifelong friendships.

P.S. You could even ask your BFF what their love language is, and make an effort to reflect that back to them in your actions. If they’re a physical touch kind of gal, a little hug or hand-squeeze when they need it most will go a long way. Or, for someone who values words of affirmation, a hand-written note or considered compliment will mean the world.

Let them see and support you.

I still remember the way one of my best friends held me when, against my usual instincts, I cried in front of her for the first time. Whether consciously or not, for a long time, I’d assumed friendships were solely about having fun together. And while every friendship should feature a whole lotta fun, adventure, and laughter, they should also be a safe space for each of you to express (and find support in) the harder things too.

And yes, showing that unfiltered, unpolished side of yourself can be super scary - but the emotional intimacy that comes with it can help grow a lasting friendship. When a friend sees you in your vulnerability, meets you there with love, and is willing to guide you through it (and when you can offer the same in return), that’s when you know you’re onto something good.

Understand that friendships will change.

As you’ve probably discovered by now, as you grow up, you’ll end up going through a LOT of change. And as you change, your friendships will too.

Right now, my closest friends and I all live in completely different cities. We haven’t seen each other in many, many months (gasp, I know!), and we’re entirely reliant on the voice notes we can squeeze in during our lunch breaks, or the video chats we schedule three months in advance, to keep in touch. Admittedly, this is quite the shift from what our friendship once was, and from what we imagined it would be (ngl, I assumed we’d all share a flat and spend our summers travelling the world) - but honestly, that’s okay. As it turns out, we’re just as close as we’ve ever been, and we love each other just as much as we always have - we’ve just had to adjust how we express that.

Friendships that go the distance don’t resist change - they allow it, accept it, and have just the right amount of elasticity to stretch and grow with it. So, next time you sense a change in one of your friendships - maybe one of you is moving away, has gotten a part-time job, or is getting ready to graduate - take a deep breath, and trust that a friendship that’s meant to last can, and will, survive the shift (as long as you’re willing to let things evolve and hold your friendship a bit more flexibly than you’re probably used to).

Now, I would be failing to fulfil my big sister duties here at Billie if I didn’t acknowledge that long-term friendships aren’t always smooth sailing (there will inevitably be a few forgotten birthdays, broken promises, and little bouts of pettiness and jealousy here and there).

So, with that in mind, here are a few tips on how to navigate the trickier bits.

Lead with grace.

Most of the time, our friends don’t mean to hurt us. But sometimes, the emotions, anxieties, fears, or uncertainties that we don’t yet know how to articulate or handle can manifest in strange ways - and those who were closest to end up bearing the brunt of that.

That’s why, when you find yourself sitting with hurt feelings, it’s important to lead with grace. Before reacting impulsively, take a deep breath, and try to understand where your friend might be coming from. Give them the benefit of the doubt, and create space for a gracious and honest conversation.

To be clear, that’s not to say you should abandon your boundaries or excuse behaviour that makes you feel small. You can still hold people accountable while reacting with empathy and compassion - and this approach will almost always be far more healing than throwing the hurt back at them.

Have faith in the future.

From someone who has been there before, have faith that these moments - as downright awful as they are when you’re in the midst of them - will (eventually) make your bond stronger and more resilient. If nothing else, they’re a rich opportunity to learn about yourself, each other, and how you navigate changes.

Know when to let go.

Of course, not every friendship is meant to last forever - and that’s perfectly fine. If being around someone leaves you feeling deflated, insufficient, and as though your light has been dimmed, for example, that’s worth paying attention to. You deserve to feel seen and validated in your closest relationships - and if you’re not feeling that way, sometimes the bravest thing you can do is gently let go.

On the flip side, if you’ve got a friend who consistently shows up for you, loves you exactly as you are, fills you with light, warmth, and joy, and wants you to be the best version of yourself (but sticks with you in the moments that you falter), that’s a special gift. And it’s worth every effort to nurture, protect, and grow with time.

After all, friendship is one of the most meaningful forms of love we get to experience (an 85-year Harvard study has proven that friendship is one of the strongest predictors of our happiness and health!). So, when you’re lucky enough to find that kind of love, hold on tight, treasure it for all it’s worth, and celebrate it often - and, of course, come back to this guide anytime you need a lil reminder.